Monkey Shoulder`s Best Bartender

The bartender glides swiftly across the room, weaving around a plush stool and carrying the cocktail-laden tray with only the slightest tremor in his hand. He stoops to deliver the expertly made drinks, and is just placing a tumbler on the table when POW –

He’s shot by a nerf gun.

Luckily this doesn’t result in spillage, tears and curses – he’s a professional, after all. Nor is the hooligan wielding the offensive weapon thrown out on his arse, because this is Stuart McCluskey, man behind the superb Bon Vivant bars, along with his fellow judges – Ali Burgess of Happiness Forgets fame and the go-to-man for cocktail knowledge, Mr Craig Harper.

The trio of bar-boffins waving their toy guns in the air and knocking back the odd shot of whisky are judges for Monkey Shoulder’s best barman competition, where the winning team gets to man their own stand at London Cocktail Week. And being pummeled by foam bullets is just one of the tasks that have been put together to determine who is worthy of this prime spot in cocktail real-estate.

When Monkey Shoulder UK launched the competition on twitter, over fifty teams entered by answering ‘pub-quiz questions’ and sending a video of their very best flairing skills. These ranged from slick break-dances, magically-appearing bananas, and members of the Made in Chelsea cast.

The creative and sometimes barmy videos were whittled down to the best twelve teams, then divided into three groups of four. Monday 16^th June saw Brizzle Kids, Do No Evil and Sipp and Chatter battle it out in Callooh Callay, one of the most celebrated bars in East London – much to the entertainment of everyone involved.

The idea was to test all skills needed by a barman these days,’ explained Grant Neave from Monkey Shoulder – the exceedingly drinkable and smooth Scotch whisky that we love for its use in cocktail creativity. ‘It’s not just about being able to whip up a decent Old Fashioned. People go to bars to be entertained, to have slick service, and to have their eyes opened to new experiences. We wanted to test all of those skills, in as lively a way as possible.’

And the tasks certainly do push barman boundaries. From a standard buzz-in knowledge round, to a speed-clearing challenge in the ‘back room’ that has team members breaking up boxes and wiping spillages, all parts of bar life are touched upon. But a cocktail competition wouldn’t be a cocktail competition without, well, an actual test of drink ingenuity.

This is where one of the most eventful, hilarious and, frankly, bizarre elements of the day happened. Teams had to deliver their best ‘bar banter’ – while also serving up the judges an inventive and tasty cocktail with Monkey Shoulder as the base.

First up were Brizzle Kids. They waited behind the bar, while the judges hovered on stools and cracked jokes (quite a lot of whisky had been consumed by this point and so there was a raucous air to proceedings – just like a Friday night, in fact). So how would they hold our attention?

Excellently, as it happens. A script was passed out. Joe Hall, from The Rummer, began to narrate in his finest thespian vocals: it was ‘A romantic take on the seminal work of Blade’, no less. James McGovern from Red Light bar mixed the cocktail, and Emilio Di Salvo was ‘the enforcer’ – although this was not needed to much of an extent, as the judges seemed almost too pleased to get involved (including a rather daring game of chicken that should, hopefully, be somewhere on Youtube). The cocktail they created? A Morning After Pill, using Monkey Shoulder, yellow Chartreuse, egg white and ginger syrup. The cocktails were proclaimed to be delicious, the audience was in stitches, and the banter was spot on.

So how does one follow that? Nudity, apparently. Do No Evil, comprised of Karin and Des from London Cocktail Club and Dan from Rev JW Simpson, stripped off to their underwear to become the Bare Bartenders and excite the crowd with magic and another tasty cocktail. This flash of flesh gained a lot of approval from the three judges (who were luckily still sitting on stools), and were by this time several Monkey Shoulder’s to the wind.

So we’d seen a bit of cheek, experienced theatre at its best – what more? Music, of course. Sipp and Chatter, from Bath and Bottle on the Isle on Man, decided to bring the tunes, with Nick Riley on guitar and Jamie Lewis making a cocktail. This left Darren Facchini to channel Bob Dylan in a rather unexpected turn of events which saw him strip off as the verses’ continued, with Nick soulfully launching into tunes about the life of a bartender – every so often punctuating the music with ‘I need your ass’ – which was naturally where the chorus was written. It ended with the judges getting rather more than they bargained for in the ‘highball’ department (lets just say the nakedness wasn’t over), along with a smooth cocktail of Nonna Brody’s Ginger Juice – a Scottish twist on an Italian Classic, the Aperol Spritz. This incorporated Monkey Shoulder, Aperol, Prosecco, and that Scottish staple, Irn Bru.

The day was over, the judges were sent to confer – and the winners were announced. It seemed that Sipp and Chatter just pipped Brizzle Kids to the post (the balls being firmly in their court), and the judges deemed Nonna Brody’s Ginger Juice the winning cocktail. The guys from the Isle of Man go through to the semi-finals at Wilderness festival, along with the winners from two other rounds, and a Wild Card team which has yet to be decided.

They say Monkey Shoulder Scotch loves company, and this was certainly proven during the events of Monday. It’s just a case of seeing what other amazing cocktails – and ludicrous challenges – are in store for the next round…

Rebecca Milford

 

@Rebecca_anne_m